Funny out of context

"You went back in time and left your baby self under a pool table in a cardboard box. You're your own dad." --Rimmer
"So therefore I shouldn't get any Father's Day cards? It's not my fault that due to some time travelly paradoxy sci-fi smeg, I happen to be me own dad." --Lister
(Red Dwarf X, "Fathers and Suns")

"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why are shape-shifting soldiers from another universe stealing frozen heads?"
(Fringe)

"We're in Heaven, Sam. Our memories are coming true, Cas is on TV. Finding a road in a closet might be the most normal thing that happens to us today." --Dean (Supernatural)

"You gotta go be gay for that poor dead intern." --Harry (Supernatural)

"You smoked them with the staff of Moses." --Cas
"What the hell kind of fed are you?" --Father (Supernatural)

"Yeah, that's right. The scary man killed the attractive crying man, and then he started to pray." --homeless man (Supernatural)

"If there were an afterlife, I would have to reconsider the engineering design of fridges." --Brian Cox (Carpool)

"You can't be president of the chess club, you can't even run the U.S." (Weird Science)

"How did you get the tiny people to stop singing?" -David Boreanaz/Liam/Angel (Angel)

"You brought a vampire to my brothers bachelor party?!" -some guy (angel)

"It's your brother's graduation. Stop exploding," -Jason Seaver/Alan Thick (Growing Pains)

"The vampire is with you? Then who the hell's the English guy?" --?/? (Angel)

"They rejected the sacred turkey!" --?/Courtaney (So Weird)

"And what I hear, and I hope I'm still dreaming, is the Star Spangled Banner being belted out by a green demon," -Angel/David Boreanaz (Angel)

"Our historical figures are all locked up and my dad won't let 'em go," --Ted/Kenau Reeves (Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure)

"Would you like to see my windshield collection? I have many kinds!" -Phong/Mike (reboot)

"But Daddy, I don't want to flush my poopies. It makes them sad," -kid (Growing Pains)

"We're best friends, doesn't that mean anything to you?" -Pete Dunville/Rich Ruccolo
"Your beard is on my mother!" -Berg/Ryan Reynolds (TGAAG)

“You said get a hobby.” –Carol
"I meant like flower arranging or folk dancing. Not stalking your daughter!" -Frank Lambert (Step by Step)

"How many Sarahs do you think are on this island?" -Ian Malcolm/Jeff Goldblum (Lost World)

"Looks like somebody peed in her Cheerios this morning." -Jamie Kennedy (JKX)

"We're decent people. What is the world coming to? We can't even drive down the highway in our OWN HOUSE!" -Rat Race

"I wear the cheese. The cheese does not wear me," -Cheese man (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

"I've been handling refrigerators since I was 15," -Adrian Monk/Tony Shaloub (Monk)

"Did you put her liver in the mailbox cause I heard they found her liver in the mailbox next to her spleen and pancreas," -Randy Meeks/Jamie Kennedy (Scream)

"A haunted toaster. Cool!" -Simon Homes/Justin S (Eerie Indiana)

"All that Nureeking and Hunrunking and just when you expect it to Nureek again, it scroolottles!" -Krissy Kochanski/Chloe Annett (Red Dwarf)
"Do not mock my monkey pants!" -Oz/Seth Green (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

"Take that horse and put it back under that idiot!" -King (Court Jester)

"The guy moistens his eyeballs and we're having a meeting over it?" -Xander Harris/Nicholas Brendon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

"Chad get out of the d*** trash can!" -Mickey Parke/Alex Solowitz(2ge+her)

"How did I fit all those crayons in my mouth?" -Mertin Dingle/Danny Smith (Big wolf on Campus)

"A little box that goes VST. Just what I've always wanted!" -Kryton/Robert Llewelen (Red Dwarf)

"Back then I was just a regular Fireman. I wasn't even allowed to use the flame thrower!" (F451)

"Look mommy. Firemen. There's going to be a fire!" (F451)

"We're in another world! Carmen Elektra sucked the ring out of my mouth! Poop is disappearing! We're through the looking glass people!" -- Mike/Eddie K Thomas (Off Centre)

"You're going to the cemetery with your toothbrush. How Egyptian," –The Birdcage

"We're a few million miles from Earth in a giant white face. What's impossible?" (Mission to Mars)

"Sorry I mangled your face," -Sidney/Neve Campbell (Scream)

"If Xander kills himself, he's dead!" -Buffy/Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

"Your ears! Take off your ears! You don't need two ears!" -Fiery guy (Labyrinth)

"No! I don't want to be a waiter!" -- Valentine (MirrorMask by Neil Gaiman)

"I'm from the Young Drivers of America where our motto is 'My God we're caught in quicksand!'" --Ryan Stiles (Who's line is it anyway?)

"Yeah, that's a fair trade. I get a used TV guide and you get my mother!" -Berg/Ryan Reynolds(TGAAG)

"The kid's . . . in the guerilla cage," --bad guy (Baby's Day Out)

" ' My GPA's too high, my principal is too naked.' You know you really are becoming boring," --Lisa/Vanessa (Weird Science)

"I've been thinking I don't HAVE a brain tumor because you never had a brother!" -Terry/Billy Bob Thornton (Bandits)

"I've never put on pantyhose but it sounds dangerous," --Joe (Princess Diaries)

“Listen Pocahontas, if you don't put your ear to the ground, you'll never hear the buffalo comin'" --Hank/Jim Carey (Me, Myself, and Irene)

"She's your x-psychiatrist and now she's spray-painting our building?!" -kid/Live
"Who cares what psychiatrists write on walls!" -Jeffrey Goins/Brad Pitt (12 Monkeys)

"I'm a man, not a sponge!" -Brady
"This man wants the same rights as a sponge!" -Drummond (Inherit the Wind)

"The only person I can stand to be around is a neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker," --Buffy/Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

"Let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet to see the King of the Potato people and plead for you freedom and you're trying to tell me you're completely sane?” – Rimmer (Red Dwarf)

“Mr. Flibble is very cross," --Rimmer/Chris Barry (Red Dwarf)

"I picked her up, her head fell off, you started to cry!" -Diane/Lauren Ambrose
"I did not cry…much" -Kenny/Seth Green (Can't Hardly Wait)

"Jesus! The camera, hurry!" -Gale/Courtney Cox
"My name isn't Jesus!" -Kenny (Scream)

"I'd ask you to come in but my parents are asleep and there's this crazy French dude running around," -JT Lambert/Brandon Call (Step by Step)

"I am not pretending to be a potato!" --Michael Blake/Richard Ruccolo
"By on Sunday, she's going to marry Mr. Potato Head and then she'll be Mrs. Potato Head and they'll be off together cooking little spuds," --Rene (The One)

"My head. Electricity. AHHHH! My skull's flattening! My eyes rolling off the top of my head! My Head! It's expanding like a balloon! No wait! It's…It's…getting smaller. No bigger than a can of spackle. In the sky! What's that? Flying…man…can…spam…clam…yam! I am what I am! I am a yam!" -Chet / Lee Tergesen (Weird Science)

"Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?" -Wash/Alan Tudyk
"I told him to sit down," -Simon/Sean Maher (Firefly)
"We were up in Heaven, but now we're in the mud. We fell off the wagon. You should have heard the thud." --Loudon Wainwright III (Heaven and Mud)

"Happiness isn't happiness without a violin playing goat," -Julia Roberts/Anna Scott (Notting Hill)

“You blacked out, don't you remember?" -- Kamaji (Spirited Away)

"His pancreas is going to explode because his brain's on fire," -- Cuddy (House)

"Ahh! I'm insane with anger!" -- Graham Hess / Mel Gibson (Signs)

"You can't dangle the bogus carrot of possible reconciliation whilst riding some other donkey!" -- Tim Bisley / Simon Pegg (Spaced)

"She just died, in a natural way, probably through loss of blood." -- Bjartur (Independent People by Halldor Laxness)

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" -- Helena
"Absolutely. If we all had little wheels on our shoes, we could just roll around." -- Valentine (MirrorMask)

"I'm a panther. I shall slip unnoticed through the darkness like a dark, unnoticeable...slippy thing." -- Valentine (MirrorMask)

"I remember I said to him: 'Mr Bagwell, how can a mask know what you need?' And he said: 'Remember Cynthia, I don't know what I'm talking about.'" -- Mrs. Bagwell (MirrorMask)

"Scalpels don't have erasers." -- Berg / Ryan Reynolds (Two Guys and a Girl)

Eugene: "I think it's him -- my alien [...] He couldn't contact me in any other way, so..."
Gary: "So he chose E-Bay?" (Torchwood, "Random Shoes")


"It's hard to hear the story of a love affair between two straight men, one of whom is the most divine woman alive." -- Brian Topp / Mark Heap (Spaced)

"I said I wanted a footballer on a football pitch cake, not a pervert on a park cake." --Kendall / John Simm (Men of the World)



"Dystopia. I had that once. Couldn't eat solids for a week." -- Chris (Ashes to Ashes)