"He suddenly felt rather foolish. He had been imagining, a little wildly, that someone had specifically painted the name of a bisected cat on a signpost on a New Mexican road especially for his benefit." -Douglas Adams (The Salmon of Doubt)
"They hung in the air the exact same way that bricks don't" --book/ Peter Jones (Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy: Douglas Adams)
[Ford and a cute, small robot are falling out of a tall building] "Colin!" Ford bawled.
Colin didn't respond. Ford went cold. Then he suddenly realized that he hadn't told Colin his name was Colin.
"Come up here!" Ford bawled.
They were still descending, but the rate had slowed.
"Up, Colin!" he shouted.
Nothing.
"Your name," shouted Ford, "is Colin. So when I shout 'Up, Colin!' I want you, Colin, to go up. OK? Up, Colin!"
(Mostly Harmless by Douglas Adams)
"What makes you wonder about the nature of this god character is that he creates something [cocoanuts] that is so perfectly designed to be of benefit to human beings and then hangs it twenty feet above their heads on a tree with no branches [...] I can only think that the business with the apple must have upset him more than I realized." -- Douglas Adams (Last Chance to See) p. 47
"Some fish were jumping up the beach and into the tree, which struck me as an odd thing for a fish to do, but I tried not to be judgmental about it." -- Douglas Adams (Last Chance to See) p. 48
"We need to find out what people want from fire." -- marketing director
"Stick it up your nose." -- Ford Prefect
"Which is precisely what we need to know. Do people want fire that that can be fitted nasally?" -- marketing director (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams)
"The human race is currently sitting 'round a bath over there making documentaries about themselves!" -- Ford Prefect (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams)
"The gifts he has brought with him from civilisation turn to dust in his hands as he realizes that everything he has is merely the shadow cast by what he has lost." -- Douglas Adams (Last Chance to See) p. 82
"One conservation worker [...] wondered if the mating call of the male didn't actively repel the female, which is the sort of biological absurdity you otherwise find only in discotheques." ---- Douglas Adams (Last Chance to See) p. 116
Dirk: "Come, Richard. Let us think the unthinkable. Let us do the undoable. Let us even, if time permits, eff the ineffable."
Janice: "Potty mouth." (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency by Douglas Adams)
"Anything that is in the world when you're born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works. Anything that's invented between when you're fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things." -- Douglas Adams
"If you've done six impossible things today, why not top it off with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the end of the Universe," -Book/PeterJones (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"Ford you're turning into a penguin. Stop it!" -Arthur Dent/Simon Jones (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy)
"That is not the point quack. The point is now I am a perfectly safe penguin quack!" -Ford Prefect/David Dixon (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy)
"O Frettled Gruntbuggly, thy micturations are to me / As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee / Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes / And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles / lest I rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurgle-cruncheon / See if I don't!" -Geltz/Martin (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"Sorry, did I say something wrong? Pardon me for breathing which I don't do anyway so I don't know why I even bother to say it oh God I'm so depressed," -Marvin/David (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"The slightest thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind." -Prosser/Joe (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so." -Ford/David Dixon
"Life. Don't talk to me about life." --Marvin/David (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"Life, loath it or ignore it, you can't like it," -Marvin/David (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"That is where we have to go. Down into the very depths of time itself where no man has trod these five million years. We are not gonna be great. We are not gonna be amazing. We are gonna be *amazingly* amazing!" -Zaphod/Mark Wing-Davey (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"If there's anything more important than my ego around here, I want it caught and shot now," -Zaphod/Mark Wing-Davey (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"The best drink in existence is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brain smashed out with a slice of lemon…wrapped around a large gold brick," -announcer/Peter Jones (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"It's the weird color-scheme that freaks me. Every time you try to operate one of these weird black controls, which are labeled in black on a black background, a small black light lights up in black to let you know you've done it!" -Zaphod/Mark Wing-Davey (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"Hey Ford, how many escape capsules are there?" -Zaphod/Mark Wing-Davey
"None," -Ford/David Dixon
"You counted them?" -Zaphod
"Twice," -Ford (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
200. "What's so wrong about being drunk?" -Arthur/Simon Jones
"Ask a glass of water" -Ford/David Dixon (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"You know, it's at times like this, when I'm stuck in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young." -Arthur/Simon Jones
"Why? What did she tell you?" -Ford/David Dixon
"I don't know. I didn't listen." -Arthur/Simon (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"I wonder what will happen if I press this button." -Arthur/Simon Jones
"Don't." -Ford/David Dixon
[Presses it] "Oh." --Arthur
"What happened?" --Ford
"A sign lit up saying "Please do not press this button again." -Arthur (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
"So this is it. We're going to die," -Arthur/Simon Jones
"I do wish you would stop saying that," -Ford/David Dixon (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy)
"Do the people out there come to you for help?" -Zarniwoop
"Out where?" -Ruler of the Universe
"Out there," -Zaphod Beeblebrox
"How can you tell there's anything out there? The door is closed," -Ruler of the Universe (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy part TWO - The Restaurant at the end of the Universe)
"Pick up that piece of paper Marvin that's what you say. Here I am the brain the size of a planet and you ask me to pick up a piece of paper. But that's ok, I'm quite used to being humiliated. I can even go stick my head in a bucket of water if you'd like. If that's what you really really want me to do. Would you like me to go stick me head in a bucket of water?" -Marvin
"What did he say?" -Trillion
"Nothing. He just phoned-up to wash his head at us," -Zaphod (Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy)
"But the plans were on display" --Prosser
"I eventually had to go down to the cellar," Arthur
"That's the display department," --Prosser
"With a torch," -Arthur
"The lights had probably gone," --Prosser
"So had the stairs," -Arthur
"But you did see the notice," --Prosser
"Yes. I found it at the bottom of a locked filing cabinet in a disused lavatory with a sign out side the door saying beware of the leopard. Ever thought of going into advertising?" -Arthur. (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
Nice compilation from Douglas Adams Quotes. Thanks for sharing!!
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